I hoped but it didn't work. So far 2013 is the worst of my life. Hands down, without a doubt. I feel jealous of those who have both parents. I feel in the small majority of those with none. But I am in the smallest percentile of those who lost both in such a short time frame.
It hurts worse than anything I have ever experienced. This is the worst in my life. I feel like I have nothing now and the irony of it all is the two most health conscious people I know got taken too soon and did not deserve this. No one does.
I can't write anymore now. I'm just angry. Angry at those who made it through ok and angry there is no rhyme or reason. Just angry...and hungry...maybe more later....
When will this get better? When will I start to feel functional? When will I find a comforting notion, something, anything? When will I start to get my appetite back? When will my mouth stop being so dry?
When will the hurt and the pain stop? When will it ever change? When will I stop beating myself up over it? When will I smile and pause and think warmly? When can I find reminders to be soothing instead of burning? When will the time pass as it once did? When can I stop thinking of life as this useless passage of time? How can I fix this? How can I get them both back? How can I do this? How can I manage this?
