Brooklyn Girls are the Best in the World!

I can't help it. I'm a NY girl. You can't take it out of me, you can't break me, you can't erase it. I love me some good pizza, a great bagel, a convenient open all night bodega, a Snapple while walking the hot streets, a bag over my shoulder that holds whatever I might need out and about, subway fare, cab fare, a new exhibit at a local museum, a street fair, an artsy movie theater, a hot knish from a street vendor, a tucked away path in Prospect or Central Park, quick jaunts to friend's houses to stop in to get something before hitting the town, outdoor seating in a hip, dog friendly cafe, the view of the Manhattan skyline from the Brooklyn Heights Promenade, and on and on. I have dreams of being on the BQE still. I have dreams of the ocean at Rockaway and Manhattan Beach. When I say home I mean Brooklyn. When I think of my future I am there, NY State. I'm always, constantly, thoroughly, inevitably, incurably, unabashedly in a NY State of Mind.

My heart jumps a little when I cross over the Verazzano from S.I. I can see Brooklyn in all her glory as I left her last when I was there usually two months before. She is changing quickly now. She's not the same as she was when I spent all my hours there. Yet I am always haunted by her memories. Powerful imagery from the Brooklyn of my youth and that I remember so fondly. She's tucked away amidst the regentrifying and the new construction and the changing real estate.

She's still brash and uncouth and gritty and raw, ornery and agitated everyday. I wouldn't trade her for all the Ellicott Cities or all the Columbias, ever.

Never.

frustration

I'm feeling frustrated...trapped, boxed in. Not sure which way to go but I do know that when I get this feeling, I do everything in my power to make it so I am back on track to where I want to be. That feeling of spinning my wheels motivates me to get moving and gather all the resources necessary to make progress and move forward.

There are a few things in my life I can not motivate myself to do: number 1 is get that manuscript finished. I can not. It brings up too many painful memories and I hate spending time on something I already spent too much time on. And so it drags on. And I feel it will never be good enough to be published anyway. so why bother? So will I never be published? It has been almost 10 years since my last publication in a peer-reviewed journal. Maybe part of me feels I am just not good enough to be published after I saw what went on during the first process. Just name drop and you're in?

sad, sad world we are in science peeps.

Is it just me?

...or is the world really off kilter and has been for some time? How is it that unattractive people find attractive people to marry them? Disagreeable people find the nicest, coolest people to marry them? Maybe I am all wrong here and the nice, cool people are merely that on the outside and inside they just match the disagreeable mate they chose? 'Cause those disagreeable people sure aren't turning nice and cool anytime soon.

Where is my wedding? I'm the nicest coolest person I know and extremely agreeable. What gives karma? What up universe kilter? Can you please turn "on" and stop being "off"?

Can the miserable people stop enjoying the luck and luxury and good fortune and shove some good vibes toward those who constantly struggle, everyday?

That would be nice. Really.