Feeling depressed

In a bad way today. Weather, mood, job related, who knows? Been this way for a few days. Doesn't help that my dad is in the hospital. Doesn't help that we don't know why.

This coming weekend was supposed to be fun and relaxing and I was looking forward to it, but it was not to be.

I've thought a lot lately about how things go in life, sometimes good, sometimes bad. But I only come up with the end result and why should it end that way? Seems like we all got gypped.  I  think about that funny quote that used to be tossed around the internet in the early days about a soliloquy rattled off by George Constanza's character on Seinfeld. How we should really start out life with death and old age and wind up at the end an embryo about to be someone's orgasm. That to me seems like the better way to go!

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus?!?! I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back, spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen.”

 - George Costanza

But we're here and should make the best use of our time, because it is so, so limited and we don't realize it I think until it smacks us in the face. In a bad way. And then we sit up and take notice but do we really do something about it? I've tried. But I tend to wind up feeling like I do today. Then I try to pull myself out and it becomes a cycle that I feel wasted too much of my precious, limited time...rinse, repeat.

How to break free from that, I don't know. My means of escape at times is sleep...or a movie.

I've tried to pry myself out of my work situation where I am unhappy and feel that I worked too hard for too long to have it be this way. I've tried, tried, tried. Still waiting on the results...

Focus on the good things, right? But ignore the not so good? Where is the balance? Just accept that life is this way? Just looking for some answers and rambling on here but it may in some way help to ease the time spent and the focused thoughts that could use some reassessment.